Chapter 1

Chapter One

Smart Love

Beyond what feels good, back to what is good

It was finally here – Anna’s wedding day, the day she had dreamed about and planned for months. The small, picturesque church was crowded with friends and family. Sunlight poured through the stained glass windows, and the gentle music of a stringed quartet filled the air. Anna walked down the aisle toward David. Joy surged within her. This was the moment for which she had waited so long. He gently took her hand, and they turned toward the alter.

But as the minister began to lead Anna and David through their vows, the unthinkable thing happened. A girl stood up in the middle of the congregation, walked quietly toward the alter, and took David’s other hand. Another girl approached and stood next to the first, followed by another. Soon, a chain of six girls stood by him as he repeated his vows to Anna.

Anna felt her lip beginning to quiver as tears welled up in her eyes. “Is this some kind of joke?” she whispered to David.
“I’m… I’m sorry Anna,” he said, staring at the floor.
“Who are these girls, David? What is going on?” she gasped.
“They’re girls from my past,” he answered sadly. “Anna, they don’t mean anything to me now… but I’ve given part of my heart to each of them.”
“I thought your heart was mine,” she said.
“It is, it is,” he pleaded. “Everything that’s left is yours.”
A tear rolled down Anna’s cheek. Then she woke up.

Anna told me about her dream in a letter. “When I awoke I felt so betrayed,” she wrote. “But then I was struck with this sickening thought: How many men could line up next to me on my wedding day? How many times have I given my heart away in short term relationships? Will I have anything left to give my husband?”
.
……
….
..
Kelly was my first serious girlfriend. Everyone in our youth group recognized us as a couple. We celebrated our “anniversary” everyone month. And Kelly knew me better then anyone else. After my folks were asleep, Kelly and I would spend hours on the phone, often late into the night, talking about everything and nothing in particular. We thought God had made us for each other. We talked about getting married someday. I promised her that I would love her forever.
But, like many high school relationships, our romance was premature – too much, too soon. We began to struggle with the physical side of our relationship. We knew we couldn’t be as close physically as we were emotionally .As a result, we experienced ongoing tension, and I wore on us. Eventually, things turned sour.
“We have to break up,” I said one night after a movie. We both knew this was coming.
“Is there any chance we can have something in the future?” she asked.
“No,” I said, trying to add resolve to my voice. “No, it’s over.”
We broke up 2 years after we’d met. Not quite “forever,” as I had promised.
…..
…
Philippians 1:9-10
And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ.
…..
..
Pure and blameless

The final benefit of seeking smart love is purity and blamelessness before God. This purity goes beyond sexual purity. While physical purity is very important, God also wants us to pursue purity and blamelessness in our motives, our minds, and our emotions.
Does this mean we’ll never mess up? Of course not! We can only stand before God because of His grace and the sacrifice of His son, Jesus. And yet this grace doesn’t give us license to be lax in our pursuit of righteousness. Instead, it should urge us to desire purity and blamelessness even more.
Ben started dating Alyssa during his senior year in college. For quite some time, he had planned to marry the summer after he graduated. Since he and Alyssa were both deeply attracted to each other, he thought she was “the one.”
In a letter, Ben told me how he had grown up with very high standards in his dating relationships. Alyssa was another story. While Ben had never so much as kissed a girl, kissing was practically a sport for her. Unfortunately, Alyssa’s values won out. “When she looked at me with those big brown eyes like I was depriving her of something, I caved in,” Ben wrote. Their relationship soon became almost entirely physical. They maintained their virginity but only in the technical sense of the word.
A few months later, Alyssa began to be tutored in chemistry by another Christian guy whom Ben had never met. “That was a mistake,” Ben wrote angrily. “They were studying chemistry all right – body chemistry!” Alyssa broke up with Ben and the next day was hanging on the arm of her new boyfriend.
“I was crushed,” Ben told me. “I had violated my own standards, and more important, God’s standards, and it turned out this wasn’t the woman I was to marry.” For several months Ben wrestled with guilt but finally laid it at the foot of the cross and moved on, determined not to make the same mistake twice. But what about Alyssa? Yes, God can forgive her too. But I wonder if she ever realized she needs that forgiveness. When she passes Ben in the hall at school or sees him in the cafeteria, what goes through her mind? Does she realize she played a part in tearing down his purity? Does she feel pangs of guilt for breaking his heart? Does she even care?

….. so I didn’t type up the whole thing, but you get the idea, I hope…